"Tell your heart to beat again."
The title of this post is in reference to a song that I heard, for the first time, the other day.
As 2015 is just a mere few weeks away from coming to an end, I'd like to say that overall, it wasn't too bad of a year. Really. In all actuality 2015 was pretty dandy. I won't get into all the crazy details, but just to name a few: Finished VISTA, started my new gig. Met some pretty great people through VISTA and got to hang out with them in Pikeville and in Berea. Got to know and spend a bunch of weekends with a really wonderful guy who made me laugh, introduced me to good beer, and always encouraged me in my career goals. Watched one of my oldest friends marry an incredible man who has, quite literally, followed her to the ends of the earth. Moved to Richmond after getting out of a hellish living situation (and am still very happy there after four months). And now here I am, writing this post on my lunch break 4 days until Christmas!
2015 has definitely come with its share of hard times and struggles: There were many weeks when we weren't sure how we were going to pay bills or buy food. My dad was injured in a pretty serious fall back in April and it was very up and down for a while. And things between that wonderful guy and I ultimately ended up not working out. Long distance relationships are hard, and although we're still friends now, I was heartbroken for a while. What I struggled with the most was doubt: doubting myself for not being able to find someone again, doubting God, because I was so sure that this was what I'd been praying for, doubting my ability and strength to walk away completely...because I almost did. Months of praying and crying and talking it out with various folks later, here's where life is now: We don't really have to worry about finances anymore, because we are now both working stable jobs that we love! My dad, even though parts of him will likely never be 100% again, is getting better every day. And that wonderful guy has become a wonderful friend. Period. As for opportunities to find someone again...well, there's just that, opportunities, and I can't say much for now because it's all still very recent...but stay tuned! :)
2015 has also been difficult for many that I know, and I've slowly learned this year just the sheer capacity of "breaking my heart for what breaks God's." When those I love hurt and struggle, so do I. Friends going through rough spots in their marriages, having difficulty finding a job, dealing with aging/ailing parents, general life burn-out, deaths. Many I know are still going through these storms and periods of uncertainty. I often wish that there was more I could do, but most of the time, all I know to do is pray, and offer words of encouragement and love that I truly hope bring some degree of comfort and peace. I sometimes feel selfish in prayer, and I thank God that He's bringing to my attention those around me who are hurting (Which I realize I just made a selfish statement in and of itself...schmerr).
Anyway, I heard this song the other day and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like I was hearing the words of the struggles I and many others I know have faced this year. The good news, for me at least, is that I serve a God who knows what it's like to hurt, to have His heart broken, to lose a child, even, and I take a great deal of comfort in that. I also serve a God whose capacity to love this broken, messed-up earth is far beyond anything I can even try to comprehend. Finally, and I can't attest to the rest of you who might be reading this, who see no way out of the darkness of their lives, but I serve a God who uses our pain to do beautiful things that draw us closer to Him and to each other. For me, that's come in the form of healing, friends, and the promise that joy does come in the morning.
You're shattered
Like you've never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you're never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It's alright now
Love's healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
Cause your story's far from over
And your journey's just begun
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
'Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven's working
Everything for your good
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Your heart to beat again
Beat again
2015 has also been difficult for many that I know, and I've slowly learned this year just the sheer capacity of "breaking my heart for what breaks God's." When those I love hurt and struggle, so do I. Friends going through rough spots in their marriages, having difficulty finding a job, dealing with aging/ailing parents, general life burn-out, deaths. Many I know are still going through these storms and periods of uncertainty. I often wish that there was more I could do, but most of the time, all I know to do is pray, and offer words of encouragement and love that I truly hope bring some degree of comfort and peace. I sometimes feel selfish in prayer, and I thank God that He's bringing to my attention those around me who are hurting (Which I realize I just made a selfish statement in and of itself...schmerr).
Anyway, I heard this song the other day and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like I was hearing the words of the struggles I and many others I know have faced this year. The good news, for me at least, is that I serve a God who knows what it's like to hurt, to have His heart broken, to lose a child, even, and I take a great deal of comfort in that. I also serve a God whose capacity to love this broken, messed-up earth is far beyond anything I can even try to comprehend. Finally, and I can't attest to the rest of you who might be reading this, who see no way out of the darkness of their lives, but I serve a God who uses our pain to do beautiful things that draw us closer to Him and to each other. For me, that's come in the form of healing, friends, and the promise that joy does come in the morning.
You're shattered
Like you've never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you're never gonna get back
To the you that used to be
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It's alright now
Love's healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
Cause your story's far from over
And your journey's just begun
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
'Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven's working
Everything for your good
Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again
Your heart to beat again
Beat again
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