Real Love

Justin got me a ring for Valentine's Day (No, not that ring...Cool your jets).

A sterling silver band with half of a heart that, when put together with his ring, makes a complete heart. Inscribed on the band are the words "Real Love".

As I've gotten used to this new circle on my finger, I've been thinking about "real love", and what that looks like to me. In case you've missed the memo, there's been a lot of ugliness in the world lately. Most of that ugliness has leached into our social media feeds and news outlets, and it's rare for me nowadays to not scroll past or hear about yet another debate, another argument. It's very disheartening.

We have to do better than this. We have to be better than this. We are better than this.

I've seen it. And you can see it, too, if you look hard enough. But if you still can't see it, then maybe start with yourself. Make that change yourself.

Here is what I've come up with over the past few days, digesting and meditating on what "Real Love", to me, looks like (This list will likely change over the years for me):

Real Love:

• Makes you realize that it's more important and worthwhile to be selfless rather than selfish.
• Does not keep any record of wrongdoings, failures, disappointments (See 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible)
• Is a choice. A daily choice. And it doesn't matter how you may be feeling at any particular moment. You make a choice to love those around you and those close to you because, I promise you, it will change you, and the way those around you see you.
• Is putting other's needs above your own, but also taking the time to address your own needs and areas you need to grow in.
• Is a lot of messing up. But it's also about showing up and owning up. Yes, as in admitting that you actually aren't always right. 
• Involves quality, phone-free, intentional time together. Please just put the phones away. Trust me- the person sitting across from you or next to you is so worth it! 
• Communicates.
• Does not set unrealistic expectations.
• Does not make you fearful, shameful, or doubtful. 
• Has had me on my face before God more times than I care to admit, asking Him to show me how to love like He does.
• Means doing what has to be done to make things right if something is not going well. Don't settle for complacency or "coasting". Seek professional help if you have to, there is no shame in admitting you need help. What's shameful is knowing something is wrong and yet doing nothing about it. 
• Tells the truth. Always. Even if it hurts. 
• Respects. 
• Accepts. As is, nothing more, nothing less. Striving to change the person or people you are with will only leave you frustrated and unsatisfied. We are all created in the image of God. Thank Him for how He has fearfully and wonderfully made you and your loved ones.
• Means listening to understand, instead of listening to respond. There is a difference.
• Involves completely listening to the other side of the story before jumping to conclusions. 
• Protects. Sometimes that means setting boundaries or removing toxic people from your life. 
• Seeks to do whatever is necessary to preserve the relationship. This usually involves a great deal of humility. 
• Changes you for the better. 
• Reminds you- constantly- that you are a part of something so much bigger than yourself.
• Reflects the image of God Himself. 

What does Real Love look like to you?