The end. Or perhaps just the beginning.
I mentioned in my last post that it was a tough week, for a lot of people I know, and to a degree, for myself as well, just feeling that hurt for the circumstances and for those being affected by this terrible situation. Three days later, that hurt is still very present, as was made evident to me today at church, and through various social media posts. On top of this, things in my personal life have taken a bit of a different direction. Some difficult and tough conversations were had, and there's a lot of unknowns, a lot of questions that, quite frankly, I wasn't able to answer. While we both have some things to think about, we do still want to spend time together, and I believe that, in time, we will figure things out.
All right, quite enough of that. Friday was a big day for me, a day that seemed so distant and faraway when I first got the show on the road, and then it just seemed to come out of nowhere. Friday, the 28th, was my final day of VISTA service.
It was odd, I have to admit, because although I knew that I was staying on at Grow, part of me still felt as if I was leaving something behind. Towards the end of the day, as I was finishing up an impromptu reflection to send on to the state office, I found myself getting a little emotional. I don't know where it came from. But as I thought about it for a bit, and as I drove home at the end of the day, I realized just how far I'd come from this time last year, how much I'd learned, all those I'd crossed paths with and learned from, and the change I could see in myself.
When I initially signed on to be a VISTA last August, I went through a "honeymoon" phase, which is to be expected. I was extremely motivated by the mission of VISTA, and fresh from PSO, I wanted to change the world! There was no stopping me at all! As the weeks wore on and the honeymoon phase transitioned into reality, my first horror was "Holy crap, I'm only doing this for a year! What the heck am I supposed to do next?!?!" I decided not long after to do my best to push that thought further and further from my mind, in the hopes that an opportunity would present itself to me post-VISTA, at just the right time. And it did, two months in, before Thanksgiving, and I still have to pinch myself every now and then, to be honest! To have been told, in not so many words, "Don't expect to stick around after VISTA", and then to have this...well, it's indescribable and I can't find the words, except thankful. Extremely, extremely thankful.
Along this VISTA path I got to know some pretty incredible and unique people. What really drew me into VISTA, and I discovered this also during PSO, was that this program draws in all sorts of people from all different walks of life, and I think that is such a wonderful component to this movement. The VISTAs from TASK are really no exception. A definitive highlight, if not the highlight, of my service year was the SOAR event back in May. Not only did I leave with a renewed sense of commitment to my stomping grounds, so to speak, but I left with a renewed spirit integrated into a deeper sense of VISTA camaraderie, full of meaningful and uplifting conversation, time spent outside of the event, and training and learning from each other. And then there's the Grow Appalachia component. I've spoken on this on many different occasions throughout this blog, but I left my previous job with some hard feelings and my confidence all but destroyed (You know it was bad when your on-site-VISTA-leader-turned-friend said he noticed that during my initial interview). Anyway, at first I was a little guarded around my co-workers, not just because there were only six of them, but part of me felt as if I was intruding on an already-present rapport and sense of teamwork among the office. Plus, they all joked around a lot, and a lot of the time I was left thinking, "What is wrong with these people?" But over time, I became a part of "these people", this small group of tirelessly devoted, passionate, and hard-working people. I'm usually the one cracking jokes now. My co-workers are, for lack of a better phrase, the real deal, and I am so lucky that I get to continue being a part of this team. I'm consistently inspired by our partner sites and their coordinators, all of who are also tirelessly striving to make their tiny corners of Appalachia just a little bit better. And heck, I'm based at my alma mater, an institution already so near and dear to my heart, which is just the icing on a rather large slice of cake.
If I only knew then what I do now...I remember the last day of PSO. All of us VISTAs were in our room, saying our goodbyes, and I was approached by a fellow VISTA. She was a grandmother and had just gone through a divorce; her VISTA assignment was, essentially, her starting over. With tears in both our eyes she told me, "Holly, your future is so bright."
Regardless of what my future at Grow looks like, I will always, always carry my VISTA experience with me. Because of VISTA, I've learned to be kinder. I've learned to be open with others. I've learned that it's ok if you don't know the answer. I've learned that sometimes, a 10 minute break away from the computer is all you need. I've learned that you don't have to live on ramen just because you're broke. I've learned that the human spirit is both the most resilient and most fragile entity of humanity. I've learned that when you are consistently reinforced in a positive manner, then that makes you want to continue doing better and being better. I've learned that God is still God, and I, most certainly, am not, and that He puts both people and opportunities in your life for a reason. Yes, my time as a VISTA has come to an end. But my time with Grow Appalachia, and beyond work, is just beginning.
All right, quite enough of that. Friday was a big day for me, a day that seemed so distant and faraway when I first got the show on the road, and then it just seemed to come out of nowhere. Friday, the 28th, was my final day of VISTA service.
It was odd, I have to admit, because although I knew that I was staying on at Grow, part of me still felt as if I was leaving something behind. Towards the end of the day, as I was finishing up an impromptu reflection to send on to the state office, I found myself getting a little emotional. I don't know where it came from. But as I thought about it for a bit, and as I drove home at the end of the day, I realized just how far I'd come from this time last year, how much I'd learned, all those I'd crossed paths with and learned from, and the change I could see in myself.
When I initially signed on to be a VISTA last August, I went through a "honeymoon" phase, which is to be expected. I was extremely motivated by the mission of VISTA, and fresh from PSO, I wanted to change the world! There was no stopping me at all! As the weeks wore on and the honeymoon phase transitioned into reality, my first horror was "Holy crap, I'm only doing this for a year! What the heck am I supposed to do next?!?!" I decided not long after to do my best to push that thought further and further from my mind, in the hopes that an opportunity would present itself to me post-VISTA, at just the right time. And it did, two months in, before Thanksgiving, and I still have to pinch myself every now and then, to be honest! To have been told, in not so many words, "Don't expect to stick around after VISTA", and then to have this...well, it's indescribable and I can't find the words, except thankful. Extremely, extremely thankful.
Along this VISTA path I got to know some pretty incredible and unique people. What really drew me into VISTA, and I discovered this also during PSO, was that this program draws in all sorts of people from all different walks of life, and I think that is such a wonderful component to this movement. The VISTAs from TASK are really no exception. A definitive highlight, if not the highlight, of my service year was the SOAR event back in May. Not only did I leave with a renewed sense of commitment to my stomping grounds, so to speak, but I left with a renewed spirit integrated into a deeper sense of VISTA camaraderie, full of meaningful and uplifting conversation, time spent outside of the event, and training and learning from each other. And then there's the Grow Appalachia component. I've spoken on this on many different occasions throughout this blog, but I left my previous job with some hard feelings and my confidence all but destroyed (You know it was bad when your on-site-VISTA-leader-turned-friend said he noticed that during my initial interview). Anyway, at first I was a little guarded around my co-workers, not just because there were only six of them, but part of me felt as if I was intruding on an already-present rapport and sense of teamwork among the office. Plus, they all joked around a lot, and a lot of the time I was left thinking, "What is wrong with these people?" But over time, I became a part of "these people", this small group of tirelessly devoted, passionate, and hard-working people. I'm usually the one cracking jokes now. My co-workers are, for lack of a better phrase, the real deal, and I am so lucky that I get to continue being a part of this team. I'm consistently inspired by our partner sites and their coordinators, all of who are also tirelessly striving to make their tiny corners of Appalachia just a little bit better. And heck, I'm based at my alma mater, an institution already so near and dear to my heart, which is just the icing on a rather large slice of cake.
If I only knew then what I do now...I remember the last day of PSO. All of us VISTAs were in our room, saying our goodbyes, and I was approached by a fellow VISTA. She was a grandmother and had just gone through a divorce; her VISTA assignment was, essentially, her starting over. With tears in both our eyes she told me, "Holly, your future is so bright."
Regardless of what my future at Grow looks like, I will always, always carry my VISTA experience with me. Because of VISTA, I've learned to be kinder. I've learned to be open with others. I've learned that it's ok if you don't know the answer. I've learned that sometimes, a 10 minute break away from the computer is all you need. I've learned that you don't have to live on ramen just because you're broke. I've learned that the human spirit is both the most resilient and most fragile entity of humanity. I've learned that when you are consistently reinforced in a positive manner, then that makes you want to continue doing better and being better. I've learned that God is still God, and I, most certainly, am not, and that He puts both people and opportunities in your life for a reason. Yes, my time as a VISTA has come to an end. But my time with Grow Appalachia, and beyond work, is just beginning.
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