Working through becoming less easily offended
Have you ever read or heard something that just stopped you dead in your tracks? Like...."Wow, this was JUST for me." Like....it's enough to make you really stop and take a good, long hard look at yourself, and then you're left with a little bit of that "yucky tummy" feeling.
For me, it was this blog: https://www.proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2019/02/13/oh-no-she-didnt
I'll have to admit, I've subscribed to Proverbs 31 blogs for some time, but just haven't really been "feeling them" lately. You know what I mean? But the other day, as I read through the latest one to hit my inbox...wow. I mean...just, wow. Since I read this blog, I have not been able to stop thinking about it.
Hi, my name is Holly, and I am easily offended!
Glamorous confession, right?
Honestly, I never thought of myself as easily offended. I've always thought of myself as easygoing, probably to a fault at times, never really thinking too much about others goings-on and how they respond, or how I converse with them. I mean, I'm polite, I try to make eye contact, and I say please and thank you. In general, I try to take people at their word, and I don't try to read too much into things. I try not to let things upset me (too much!), I try to keep my road rage in check, and I like to think that people can talk to me about anything and they'll know that I will welcome that with a listening ear.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm consistently telling my husband he has hurt my feelings. I'm almost always annoyed by the inept drivers on I-75. Without saying a word, I "demand" apologies and I have had, on more than one occasion, my husband tell me he feels like he's walking on eggshells around me.
Imagine the sinking feeling when I stopped and read those "stop and take a hard look at yourself" questions:
Cue yucky tummy feeling. But it's brought an ugly truth to light: I am easily offended. I think part of it originates from a lifelong struggle of dealing with criticism/correction. I always hated the idea of even vaguely disappointing people, so I've never responded the best to it, choosing to marinate in the fact that someone pointed something out I need to work on (that will probably end up doing more good than harm for me anyway), or that I "let someone down", instead of choosing to see it as a growth opportunity. Again, not glamorous, but I am working on it.
For me, it was this blog: https://www.proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2019/02/13/oh-no-she-didnt
I'll have to admit, I've subscribed to Proverbs 31 blogs for some time, but just haven't really been "feeling them" lately. You know what I mean? But the other day, as I read through the latest one to hit my inbox...wow. I mean...just, wow. Since I read this blog, I have not been able to stop thinking about it.
Hi, my name is Holly, and I am easily offended!
Glamorous confession, right?
Honestly, I never thought of myself as easily offended. I've always thought of myself as easygoing, probably to a fault at times, never really thinking too much about others goings-on and how they respond, or how I converse with them. I mean, I'm polite, I try to make eye contact, and I say please and thank you. In general, I try to take people at their word, and I don't try to read too much into things. I try not to let things upset me (too much!), I try to keep my road rage in check, and I like to think that people can talk to me about anything and they'll know that I will welcome that with a listening ear.
On the other hand, I feel like I'm consistently telling my husband he has hurt my feelings. I'm almost always annoyed by the inept drivers on I-75. Without saying a word, I "demand" apologies and I have had, on more than one occasion, my husband tell me he feels like he's walking on eggshells around me.
Imagine the sinking feeling when I stopped and read those "stop and take a hard look at yourself" questions:
- Do you find that your feelings are frequently hurt? Yes.
- Have people told you they feel as if they have to walk on eggshells around you? Yes.
- Are you constantly feeling annoyed? Yes.
- Do you frequently expect someone to apologize? Yes.
- Are you constantly repeating the words, "You hurt my feelings"? Yes.
Cue yucky tummy feeling. But it's brought an ugly truth to light: I am easily offended. I think part of it originates from a lifelong struggle of dealing with criticism/correction. I always hated the idea of even vaguely disappointing people, so I've never responded the best to it, choosing to marinate in the fact that someone pointed something out I need to work on (that will probably end up doing more good than harm for me anyway), or that I "let someone down", instead of choosing to see it as a growth opportunity. Again, not glamorous, but I am working on it.
As it turns out, according to these words, "much like forgiveness is a choice, not being easily offended is also a choice." I now have to MAKE the choice to stop and ask myself, "Okay, did my husband really hurt my feelings, or am I perhaps reading too much into this?" I now have to MAKE the choice to hold my tongue when the temptation to yell at drivers rears it ugly head. I now have to MAKE the choice to see the best in people and love people and forgive people when they don't apologize immediately like I think they should. I now have to MAKE the choice to see the good things my husband does and says for me, instead of allowing the negative to hurt me and cloud my judgment. I have the choice to slow my mind down and tell myself, "You know what, yes, this situation is stressful/frustrating, but I do not have to become offended by it." Just this morning, I purposely stopped and took a couple of deep breaths to stem the flow of frustration-laced words at a slow driver....shew, this is going to be much tougher than I realize!
I have an opportunity to choose kindness. As the blog says, "I had every reason to be offended, but the Lord impressed upon my heart that I had an opportunity to be kind."
Being easily offended is not Christ-like. It's selfish and immature, a far cry from how God expects His followers to behave. Jesus was not selfish, and He certainly was not immature. So, thus begins what will probably be a long and hard journey into continued lifelong sanctification. Part of the discouragement I get sometimes is expecting change to occur right away, but I know that life, and most importantly the Lord, does not work that way. It is a process, a series of small steps taken with faith. I know that becoming less offended will help to heal parts of my brokenness, and breathe new life into my relationships. I know that some days will be easier than others, so I need to give myself grace.
I would appreciate your prayers. For a few years now, God has been dismantling the "good" image I've had of myself, and it has not been easy to deal with, quite frankly. I'm more and more realizing just how sinful and broken I am, and how desperate I am for the gospel truth of Jesus's love and forgiveness. Like I said, it hasn't been easy to deal with. I am, however, eternally thankful for Jesus' love that truly covers a multitude of sins!
I would appreciate your prayers. For a few years now, God has been dismantling the "good" image I've had of myself, and it has not been easy to deal with, quite frankly. I'm more and more realizing just how sinful and broken I am, and how desperate I am for the gospel truth of Jesus's love and forgiveness. Like I said, it hasn't been easy to deal with. I am, however, eternally thankful for Jesus' love that truly covers a multitude of sins!
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